¡Ezkaton!

First, the good news. The family friend I mentioned yesterday who had cancer received good news back about it. It's not super serious, and all she will have to do is have a hysterectomy. Obviously, that's still a big thing, but it's far better than only having 5 years to live.

The bad news: the relative I mentioned has gotten worse. He went and saw his heart doctor yesterday, and the doctor said that he might make it to the weekend, at the most. My family is heading out to his house this evening, where a bunch of relatives are already gathered, and I'll go after class. Hopefully my family will still be there when I get there, because I don't want to go through that alone. I'm sure to be an emotional wreck tonight. And, it also means I'll probably have to pull an all-nighter to finish my homework and will be exhausted for a quiz tomorrow, but I feel like this is something I must do. I want to be there before he passes...

Hey everybody! I haven't updated in a really long time, and I'm sorry for that. I decided to start doing weekly updates on Sundays, but failed to do that last week, because of procrastination and a paper. Lame, I know. But here I am, doing it now, so let's hope I can stick to it from here on out. I also have no idea what this post is going to be about, so bear with me and just enjoy the rambling, if you can, haha.

Anyway, the past couple of weeks have been interesting. They haven't been that eventful, but there have been some ups and downs. I think the two biggest events would be when I went to Berryessa with Matt last week and the bad news I got this week. Within the past 7 days, I've found out that a family friend and a close relative both have cancer. The former may just need a hysterectomy, or might only have 5 years to live. I won't know until later this week. The latter is 80, has tumors on a number of organs, and isn't doing well at all. I won't go into detail beyond that, because it's difficult to talk about right now.

In other news, I've had a lot of issues with my mind lately. No, I don't mean the physical "ZOMG I NEED A BRAIN SURGEON RIGHT NOW!" type of issues. I mean mental/emtional issues. Most of the time lately, I feel like my mind is in a cloud, separated from me. This leads to me blowing my worries and stresses way out of proportion and creating more of an issue for myself than they need to be. I also tend to put off issues and ignore them rather than address them and fix them. This is frustrating, because I feel like I can't control my mind, and it so easily wanders and creates things to bother me with. Earlier while I was thinking about this post, it even wandered onto a random subject that really bugged me. What makes it worse is that I'm perfectly aware that I'm screwing myself over in this way, but can't seem to break this habit, no matter how much I want to. It's like a vicious cycle that never stops repeating.

I have actually found ways to help clear my mind and think better, but everything I've found so far involves me physically separating myself. This is cool and all, but I don't often have the time to go take long drives to distant places, and just sit for hours. But when I do get the chance to do so, it's really helpful. For example, when Matt and I went to Berryessa a little over a week ago, my mind was so clear. As we sat on a half-submerged picnic table on the shore of a little island, we talked and rambled on about everything and anything. Everything felt so clear, and I could make sense of everything that was bugging me. The 2 days we spent there really relaxed me, and help put everything into perspective. Unfortunately, as soon as I return to normal life, everything gets all cloudy and chaotic again.

Anyway, I'm just rambling, and that's not going to solve anything. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about all this, but I'm going to have to start addressing issues soon instead of letting them pile up. Easier said than done, but yeah... And I realize that this post is pretty random and pointless (and I've probably said more than I wanted and sound all emo), but it's better than no post at all, right? I think so...

I am a PC, through and through. Let that be known. I don't like Apple's computers, and not for childish fanboy reason. I truly believe that PC's are the more superior machines, and Mac is far more flawed than their fans would like to admit. However, this post is not about that. This post is about about a particular fanboy I found on the Internet, and his website.

I was wandering around on Facebook earlier this evening, and I was checking out random pages for all those irrelevant things people are becoming fans of lately. You know, those new fan pages that keep popping up all over the place that people join because they share a certain habit, idea, memory, etc. Well, I came came across one of these pages in which the page founder had listed his own personal website in the info box below the profile picture. His name is Ryan, but he also goes by the pseudonym "SleepySunday95." His website's primary function is to be a home for his advice column. He claims to be very good at giving advice, because he supposedly isn't afraid to say what needs to be said and claims to be both intelligent and talented with words. He is also a self-proclaimed "Apple Guru." So, I wandered into his the advice column section of his site, to see how good he actually was. At the top of the list was this little gem:


It appears that our little Apple Guru has educated himself using Apple commercials, because that's pretty much just a regurgitation of one of those commercials. To avoid going into an angry anti-Mac rant, let me just say that I honestly don't mind if someone prefers Macs over PC's. I don't agree with it, but it's their choice. What irritates me is the fanboyism that grows out of that, and all the people who want to run around talking about how Macs are invincible and superior machines. Don't try to claim a Mac is better than a PC if you don't know shit about the technical details of BOTH machines, or the facts.

Anyway, I went on to read a number of his other responses to people asking for advice, and I didn't find much credibility there either. Most of his "advice" was just based on guesses and assumptions about the situations, and he had no evidence or experience to back his claims. And really, who goes to a random 14 year old kid on the Internet for help? C'mon, people. Go get friends and talk to them. Talk you family members, or if it's serious enough, go get professional help. Why would you go a random teen on the Internet? Jeeze...

In other news, did you notice the new theme on the page? Of course you did! I like it quite a bit, and it was easy to customize too. Thanks to Blogger Templates Blog for the awesome work. It looks great, and I can't wait to customize it with a custom title. Keep an eye out for it! Until next time, later guys.

So, I've had a rather quiet and uneventful St. Patrick's Day. Actually, that's not really that unusual for me. To be honest, I've never celebrated St. Pat's Day in any way. For me, it's always just another day. I think it's a bit of a fake holiday, but I'm not against the idea of celebrating it. I'm just not one that parties much. Anyway, so last night was horrible, and I was determined to make up for it today. So, I've spent the whole day working on my music final project and programming in MaxMSP. While I feel I learned a lot, I wish I had more to show for all my work. It took quite a while to figure out some problems, and I'm still not conmpletely sure what direction I'm heading in with it. I wanted kind of a creepy techno-ish yet atmospheric and abstract piece, so we'll see what that end up turning into.

For the most part, I've been in a really positive and optimistic mood today. I felt good about working hard on my project, because I'm hoping that my hard work will mean that I'll be finished by tomorrow night, rather than pulling an all-nighter and being a zombie during performance time on Friday morning. However, for some reason I got a bad case of the sad blahs tonight. I'm not quite sure why, but I know a large part of it is just that I have a lot on my mind lately. Plus, getting into a bit of a creative standstill on my project stressed me out a bit. So, I'm hoping I can just put all my thoughts on hold until after I finish off this quarter on Friday, and I hope I will have a productive day tomorrow and finish this project with time to spare. But in the meantime, what did I do to feel better? I downloaded music and ate junk food (kinda)! I went on a downloading spree, and ended up downloading the Dropkick Murphys' discography (thanks to Josh for introducing them to me during our lost and scenic drive to Pt. Reyes back in January, haha), Rob Zombie's new Hellbilly Deluxe 2, and The Dillinger Escape Plan's new Option Paralysis. I don't know much about DEP, but I've always heard good things about them on metal review sites. They're kind of experimental and a bit odd, but I figured I'd give them a try. Then, I was craving ice cream, but have none in the freezer and couldn't go get any. So then I wanted popcorn, but couldn't do that either because the popping would wake my parents. So, I decided to go have a snack that used to be popular when I was in 3rd and 4th grade. I took a ramen noodle pack, crushed up the dried noodles, sprinkled the sauce over it, and then ate it raw like that. It's not that good for you, but still tastes good.

Anyway, so I'm pretty much set for the night. Here's to hoping tomorrow goes well and I can control my mind until after this project is due. Later folks.

Dreams. They're like little TV shows and movies that happen inside our heads. But, we don't have a remote, nor do we get to choose what we watch at the box office. This, in my humble opinion, can be a problem sometimes. Some people claim that they can control what they dream about before they sleep or while it's happening. I don't know if this is true, but I can say for certain that I am unable to do so. I'm ok with that, for the most part. I don't always understand dreams, but usually they make sense to some extent. I'm not really sure what causes dream or where their subjects come from, but I've heard a number of theories including everything from claiming they are a mish-mash of the day's events and thoughts to claims that they are completely random. I'm not sure, but it would be interesting to find out. I should probably check my room to see if I still have my psychology book, because it would probably have some kind of explanation about it

Anyway, lately I've been having a series of dreams that follow a particular pattern. I don't want to go into the specifics of it, because it kinda personal, but I will say that it about a major life goal that could affect me for the rest of my life. Each dream follows a particular pattern, with slight variances in specific details. Last night was the fourth night that I've had a dream with that pattern, over the span of about 3 weeks or so. It's like a tease, because while I'm having that dream, I think it's true, and that I've finally achieved my goals. But, then I wake up and realize it was only a dream, and it's pretty disappointing. On top of that, two of these dreams, including last night's, have managed to incorporate a past failure at achieving this goal, which was an extremely painful experience that I still deal with to some extent to this day. So, now not only are these dreams teasing me with something I want for my future, but now they're pretty much rubbing my past failures in my face. Lovely, right? At first, I kinda just scoffed at these dreams and ignored them, but they're starting to bug me now, even to the point where they ruin my mood for the day. I know, I know, I shouldn't let it do that to me, but I slip up, and it does. It doesn't help that they also pretty much reach down inside of me, scoop up my innermost feelings on the topic, and project it in the dream. Last night's did that very well, and kinda end up putting me into a bummed out and irritable mood for the day. This is no bueno...

Anyway, sorry about not having anything up yet about the March 4th protests. I really haven't had much time to sit and write for my own purposes. Yeah, I just wrote this, but the March 4th posting will be much, much longer and cover everything from what I saw that day to my personal reactions to some of the more controversial scenes that took place that day. I'm also going to try a lot harder to keep both this and my Tumblr more active (my tumblr has been updated twice today, at the time of this posting). I like the idea of blogging, but always forget to do it or slack off on it. FAIL. Anyway, until next time, later people.

It has been soooooo long since I posted here. Lame, I know. I've been dying to write about so much stuff on here, but I've been really busy lately. The last few weeks have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster too. But anyway, I'm definitely going to make a post soon (hopefully tomorrow) about the March 4th protests at UC Davis that I attended, and maybe one about emotional stuff. Stay tuned!

I pulled a noob move and deleted all of my posts earlier today, and ended up losing the first two entries, written on February 16th. So, I'm going to write a recap of them here.

Welcome to Ezkaton, on Blogger! As you may or may not know, I've been using a Tumblr blog, by the same name, for a while. I still plan on keeping that blog, but it will be used for random posts about brief thoughts and media. This one will be used more like a journal. Yes, I stole that idea from Josh. The look and layout of this blog may change a bit, until I make up my mind. It also may change once in a while when I get bored with what's here.


In other news, my birthday has come and gone now. I did the bulk of my celebrating on Saturday the 13th. My dear friends Matt, Sam L., Sam D., Veerpal, and Josh put on a birthday party for me. We held it in a hotel room, and a lot of drunken shenanigans ensued. I got drunk for the first time, and it was quite an experience. I don't think I'll get that drunk again for a long time, if I ever do again, haha. I spent hours vomiting and rambling on about random topics while lying on the bathroom floor. Quite a few of us don't remember parts of that night, but overall, it was still a pretty memorable and awesome night. I even got a yummy cupcake, that Sam L. and Veerpal made for me (to the right).


My actual birthday, the 16th, was pretty nice too. I got up at around 7:45 that morning, because I had class at 9. I could smell something sweet being cooked in the kitchen when I wandered out of my room, but I couldn't tell what it was and didn't have time to go check. I was able to get out of the house on time, and got a parking spot with 15 minutes to spare. I was in a really good mood, and even decided to walk without my headphones in, so I could just enjoy the sounds of the morning hustle and bustle around campus. After sitting through a boring lecture on MIDI, I went back home. When I got there, I found a tub of chocolate chip cookies and a card from my mom. That was a pleasant surprise. Later on in the day, my sister gave me a bag of Sour Patch Kids and a card. I really appreciated the thought and gifts from both. After one more class in the evening, I concluded my evening with pizza and chatting online with friends. My parents alway let me choose any kind of pizza I want for dinner on my birthday, because I'm pretty much addicted to it.

Anyway, 20 years is generally not a momentous or particularly special age. As far as I can tell, most people don't make much of big deal about it. However, I feel like it deserves its fair share of respect and attention, because it marks the closing of the teenage chapter of life. Like most, my teenage years were kinda rough, and a time of great emotional change and turmoil. With these years finally being over, I hope that I can move beyond issues that have plagued my teenage years, and put the past behind me. Those years have helped shape who I am now, but it's time to start experiencing adulthood and everything it has to offer. I hope to continue growing as a person, and make this somewhat of a new beginning for me, while I continue to venture forward in life.

If you've been reading this blog from it's beginning, you'll probably notice that both posts from my b-day are missing. I made a stupid mistake, and accidentally cleared my publishing history. I was only able to recover the info from the post "Too much to do..." Sorry, guys. I don't think there's a way to recover the b-day ones. I might have to rewrite it, or just go on without it. :(

I've got so much to do in the upcoming weeks, and I'm extremely stressed out about all of it. In the next four weeks, I have three papers and two music projects due. Two of the papers are all based on research I still need to do, and one is half-based on research and half-based on two movies I have to watch. I'm not sure how I'm going to accomplish it all, but I'm really going to have to buckle down and work really hard, obviously. Less slacking and procrastinating, more focusing and working. I'm not going to have time for much of anything else. It's going to be interesting trying to balance that on top of all the other things on my mind lately. It'll be amazing if I don't go insane sometime in the next month... My deadlines are the following:

2/22 – MUS107B sound library
3/2 – TCS6 final paper
3/9 or 11 – TCS5 final paper
3/11 – FRS final paper
3/19 – MUS107B final project